SMS, Text Messages

Q: Which state in the happiest in the USA?
A: Merry Land [Maryland]

Q: Where do boars save their cash?
A: Piggy banks, of course.

Q: What made the orange stop suddenly?
A: It just ran out of juice.

Q: How did the crazy scientist stretch his imagination?
A: He simply put an elastic band around his head.

Q: What do you call a foreign ant?
A: Import-Ant.

Q: What do ghosts have for breakfast?
A: Boo-loney snacks.

Q: Why do flies walk on the ceiling and not on the floor?
A: Because, someone might stamp on them if they walked on the floor.

Q: When does a man not become a man?
A: When he turns into an [alley].

Q: How can one tell when bells are behaving properly?
A: If it rings only when tolled.

Q: How do you differentiate between a whole apple and half an apple?
A: The whole apple can look round.

Q: Why are there no stories about beds?
A: Obviously, they have not been made.

Q: What happened to the fight in the candy store?
A: Two suckers got licked…

Q: What do trees say to the woodpecker?
A: You bore me.

Q: What colour was Napoleon’s white horse?
A: “Duh”…

Q: How do you know when a bucket is not keeping well?
A: When it is a little pail, it is obvious that it is not keeping too well.

Q: How easy is it to make an eggroll?
A: Just push an egg and you get an “egg roll’

Q: What is a sheep that is covered in chocolate called?
A: A Hershey baa. [bar!]

Q: What do you call a pie in the sky?
A: A flying pizza.

Q: Why do you have to be careful, while you do math in a lion’s den?
A: Because if you happened to get four plus four, you get “ate” [eight].

Q: What made the woman eat bullets?
A: Since she wanted her hair to grow in bangs.

Q: Why did the orchestra have bad manners?
A: Without a conductor, it did not know how to conduct itself properly.

Q: Do minsters ever use operator assistance?
A: Very unlikely, as they go from parson to parson.

Q: What type of eggs do evil chickens lay?
A: Devilled eggs, obviously.

Q: What is a boxer’s favourite drink?
A: A “Punch” for sure.

Q: Which hired killer is never executed?
A: Insect exterminator.

Q: What is purple, small, and dangerous?
A: A grape carrying a machine gun.

Q: Which hand is usually used to stir tea?
A: Neither hand, it is usually stirred using a spoon.

Q: Name the gun that the police dog uses?
A: Dogmatic.

Q: What is the favourite food of brave soldiers?
A: Hero sandwiches.

Q: How do polite young lambs say to their mothers?
A: Thank ewe [Thank you!]

Q: What do you call a stolen candy?
A: Hot chocolate.

Q: How do vampires save their cash?
A: Blood banks, of course.

Q: What happens if you cross an elephant with a Boy Scout?
A: You get a real big uniform.

Q: What is the last thing you eat before one dies?
A: You bite the dust.

Q: What happens to evil pigs?
A: They become devilled ham.

Q: What do mice wear to gym?
A: “Squeakers”

Q: Why did the turkey cross the street?
A: To catch the bus to Mexico to avoid Thanksgiving

Q: What do you get when a hen lays an egg on the roof?
A: You get an eggroll.

Q: Name a ten-letter word that starts with gas?
A: The automobile.

Q: What does America produce that no other country produces?
A: Simple – Americans.

Q: How do bees go to school?
A: By the school buzz.

Q: Spot the difference between a bus driver and a cold?
A: While one knows the stops, the other stops the nose.

Q: What is an “illigator”?
A: A sick crocodile.

Q: How do you differentiate between a can of tomato soup and a can of chicken soup?
A: Just read the label.

Q: If the apple can keep the doctor away, what does the onion do?
A: Keep everybody away.

Q: Where do they take squirrels when they go mad?
A: The nut house.

Q: When was medicine discovered in the Bible?
A: When Moses received the Tablets.

Q: What happened to the dog after he swallowed the clock?
A: He got many ticks that just would not stop.

Q: Which is the healthiest water?
A: Well water, obviously.

Q: What people are similar to the end of a book?
A: The Finnish.

Q: What happens when you cross a pie with a snake?
A: A pie-thon [python]

Q: Which lottery did the broom win?
A: The sweepstakes!

Q: What sound do the porcupines make when they kiss each other?
A: Ouch!

Q: Why are identical twins like a broken alarm clock?
A: Because they are dead ringers!

Q: What is a well-dressed lion called?
A: A dandy-lion [dandelion]

Q: Which animals are found on legal documents?
A: Seals.

Q: Which fish swims only at night?
A: The starfish.

Q: Name the ideal cure for dandruff?
A: Simple – baldness.

Q: Differentiate between a banana and a bell?
A: You can peel a banana only once.

Q: Why do people say that whales are the biggest gossipers?
A: Mainly because they are always spouting off.