Funny Text SMS

Teacher to student: which book has helped u most in u r life?
Student: my father’s checkbook

Doctor- i have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient- give me the bad news first.
Doctor- the lab called with your test results. U have 24 hours to live.
Patient.- that’s terrible! What could b more worse than this?
Doctor- i have been trying to reach u since yesterday!

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
Upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny
That goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds!’ I gifted her
A weighing scale

Baby Mosquito
came back after its
1st time flying.
His dad asked him,
“How do you Feel.?”
He replied, “It was Wonderful, Everyone
was Clapping For Me.!”

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, You know, I was a fool when I married you. She replied, Yes, dear I know, but I was in love and didn’t notice.

Why are American names like Jackson, Wilson, Markson, Robinson, Kenson, Anderson, Davison, Jemson?
So that mom can remember who is whose son.

Newly married couple went to a restuarant.
Husband: Darling, now we r just like one person.
Wife: It’s ok. But don’t forget to order lunch for two.

INTERVIEWER: Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caught fire?
JOB APPLICANT: Simple, stop imagining.

A woman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her. Hi, honey, he says. Want a little company? Why? Asks the woman. Do you have one to sell?

Soldier – Sir we are surrounded by enemies from all the directions. major- excellent! now we can fire in any directions.