Funny One Liners Text Sms

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.

Do you know this joke where all the idiots say no?
[NO]

Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?

I just met a great looking blonde girl with long legs. She’s babysitter. Does anybody know where I can quickly get a child from today?

A woman complains to her mother, “I had this big fight with my husband Joe and at the end he just told me to go to hell.”

Mother frowns, “Oh, and so you came to me, huh?”

“Why do you look so sad?”
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“I wanted to drown my worries but my wife didn’t want to go in the water.”

I heard that it is easier to find a girlfriend when you have things in common.
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So girls, I like to breath.

Do not go to the bathroom in a dream. It’s a trap!

I heard women love a man in uniform. Can’t wait to start working at McDonalds.

You really are the most jealous woman I know.
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Oh, so you know lots of other women, do you?!