Funny Messages In English

Doctor: Why did you take your antibiotic medicine at 6 AM, when I told you at 9 AM..???
Patient: I wanted to surprise the bacteria by surgical strike.

After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
The husband replied: “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”

Marriage is a 3-ring circus –
engagement ring,
wedding ring and
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Suffering.

Once a fisherman woke up early in the morning.
It was a bit dark.
He waited a while and found a bag full of stones.
He started throwin dem in the sea for timepass.
Now he had only one stone left.
The sun rose up and he found that those were not stones but diamonds..
Moral of story:
Never wake up early in the morning..

“SIT & STUDY”
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the above stunts are performed by trained professionals under controlled environments.
Plz. DON’T TRY THIS at HOME.

Why are wives “more” dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life…
The wives want both 😀

DEFINITION OF LAZINESS:
Its a talent of taking rest before you get tired because prevention is better than cure. 🙂
Be lazy think crazy!

A rabbit runs, jumps but lives only for 15 yrs!
A turtle doesn’t run, does nothing, yet lives for 150 yrs!
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Moral – EXERCISE IS HELL!
JUST SLEEP WELL!

How do you keep an idiot in suspense ??? …………. …………
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tell you later !!!

Teeth said to Tongue: “If i just press you a little, you’ll get cut…”
Tongue replied: “If I misuse One word against someone, then all 32 of you will come Out..!!”;-)

God thought that since he couldn’t be everywhere he made a mother.
Then devil thought that he couldn’t be everywhere he made a mother-in-law.

What happens when a lion roars thrice?
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Think
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Any guess?
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Ok i will tell you..
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Tom & jerry cartoon begins!

Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

Interviewer: Imagine that u r in room with all doors & windows closed & it caught fire,
now how can u escape?
Candidate: Very simple, I’ll stop imagining.

Wife: Darling today is our marriage anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Wife: I hate the beggar who came yesterday!
Husband: Why?
Wife: I gave him food yesterday and today he gifted me a book “How to Cook”

What is Talent and what is Intelligence?
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Walking on a tight rope over Niagra Falls is Talent.
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Not trying such a thing is called Intelligence :-p

One day a foreigner asked to an Indian : “Does any big and great people born in your country.”
Indian: No sir only small babies.

Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary?
Ans: Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR
& Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR

Always keep your LOVER’S photo in your purse.
When ever you are in big trouble see the photo.
You will feel that No other problem bigger than this…

Girls are like an internet virus:
They enter your life, scan your pockets,
Transfer money, edit your mind,
Download their problems and delete your smile

Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life.

Q: Wat d difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED?
A: When u Marry a right Girl u r Complete & when u Marry a wrong Girl u r Finished.

Two men r talking.
1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry
& wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons!

Q. What will happen if Brooke shield marries james bond?
A. She will become BrookE BOND.

GIRLS….
G-> Ghost;
I-> In;
R-> Real;
L-> Life
So Avoid GIRLS!!!

They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love;
after marriage it is self-defense.

There is an urgent meeting in the jungle! Everyone is there. Lions, tigers, cheetas and ape, but the meeting cant start because the monkey is reading this text.